Obzurd-Thoughts Theater Presents:
What if Ielle
worked for NASA
or how I learned to stop worrying and love NASA's bomb
NASA's so lucky I wasn't sitting in on the meeting in which they decided that the Orion space ship was a GOOD idea. The following is what would have happened had i actually been there:
Mission Control Leader: Gentlemen, ladies today we'd like to reveal our accepted replacement for our aging space shuttle fleet. we call it... the Orion.
*removes velvet blanket from visual aid.*
Me: Uh... that's the Apollo
MCL: No, that's the Orion
Me: Right but it looks like the Apollo
MCL: No, but see it's bigger.
Me: uh huh. Ooookay, and how do we get into space?
MCL: We'll shoot it up on a rocket, just like the others.
Me: Wait, I thought that was where all the damage to our ships was coming from. Why didn't we work on a new idea to fix that?
MCL: Yes, but you see this is bigger.
Me: Right. *sigh* So, the rockets stay on this time?
MCL: No it breaks away once they're in space.
Me: once they're IN space?
Me: And what happens to the debris
MCL: Come again?
ME: The debris, where does it go?
MCL: Uh... it doesn't go anywhere.
Me: So it's just floating about
MCL: Well it will fall into an orbital pattern which will degrade over time and eventually burn up.... well mostly burn up.
ME: your sending our people up in something that can mostly burn up in our atmosphere?... wait did you just say mostly?
MCL: The Orion can also land on the moon.
ME: How is that different that the Apollo Eagle?
MCL: It can now jettison itself up and no longer needs another crew orbiting the moon to help return the astronauts to their ship.
ME: So the whole thing can blast off. Hmm... well, that's nice.
MCL: Well not the whole thing.
MCL: The whole thing doesn't blast off, just the top. The base remains -
ME: For someone to land on in the future.
MCL: Uh, no.
ME: So the base is staying on the moon... what happens when we run out of parking spots? We double park?
MCL: Parking, ma'am?
ME: Nevermind, tell me about re-entry. how is this landing at Houston or Cape Canaveral?
MCL: Well we have these parachutes-
MCL: well it will slow the rate of acceleration
ME: I know what a friggen parachute does... I just want to know how this suddenly became I dream of Jeanie again?
Me: I dream of Jeanie... cosmonauts, a genie... Apollo capsules, parach- oh forget it. How could you know what I dream of Jeanie is, you obviously HAVE NO FREAKING IMAGINATION!
MCL: (meaker) well, it's not exactly like the Apollo landings, we've ruled out water.
ME: Come again?
MCL: Water landings... we'll be landing on the ground OR water. It can vary. We've developed these landing bags which can help with shock absorption-
Me: Your going to throw a tin can at the ground with a six man crew inside, and pray that the air bags go off? You guys are NASA, where are my UFOs? Where is my flying car... were the HELL is Scotty and my damn transporter!!!! I thought you're suppose to be the freaking elite of our nation and the best you can do is offer 60s RETRO??? Christ even Wal-Mart has moved on from that fad. You people are idiots. I'm gonna go talk to to the Chinese, at least they're trying.
MCL: (to assistant) Perhaps if we built a wooden badger-