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Thursday, November 09, 2006/10:24 AM

Why I LOVE my job
no, seriously!

My students were asked to take different scenes within hamlet and update them as many movie directors do (you know, like 10 things I hate about you and so forth). This was my favorite. Folks I give you Act I, Scene I of Hamlet, Wisconsin: EAST SIDE... Yo.

Barnardo: Who you be?
Francisco: Barnardo?
Barnardo: Fo Shizzle! What the HELL you doing up, homeboy?
Francisco: S'only midnight. But I'm gettin' kinda cold.

Marcellus and Horatio Enter

Marcellus: Wassup my brothers?!
Horatio: We're here to switch it up wid you two.
Francisco: I'm going to bed, peace out!
Marcellus: Holla, Barnardo!
Barnardo: Say, what? Horatio's there?!
Horatio: A piece of him.
Barnardo: Yo, Yo, Ho-ray-shee-OOH! What's up Marcellus?
Horatio: Have you seen that wicked ghost yet man?
Barnardo: Hellllll no! Ain't seen nuttin'.
Horatio: Shut yo mouth. he ain't comin'.
Barnardo: Yo momma ain't comin'. Sit down he'll be here fo'sho!

ghost enters

Marcellus: OH SNAP! Check it, he's back!
Marcellus (to Horatio): Speak to his ass!
Barnardo: True dat.
Horatio: YO! TUPAC! What's on the DL?

ghost walks away

Marcellus: Good job dumbass, you pissed him off.
Horatio: Yo, Tupac, hollaback!
Barnardo: Yo, Ho-Ray, sup? You look like a white boy.
Horatio: I can't believe it's real!
Marcellus: Is it really Tupac?
Horatio: Well he gots the same bling.
Marcellus: He's come round this time every night. Why you trippin', Ho'Ray?
Horatio: Well, here's the deal. Fortinbras busted a cap in Tupac's ass. Now the ghost's ridin' dirty round the streets

ghost enters

Horatio: He's back! Speak to me, Tupac!
Marcellus: If you don't speak I'm a gonna shoot yo' ass!

cock crows, ghost leaves

Barnardo: Damn that f-in cock, ruins it every time.
Horatio: True
Marcellus: True
Horatio: Well, peace out. I'll get Hamlet. If Tupac don't talk to him, he ain't talkin to no one!

end scene

um needless to say I was nearly in tears. If you'd like to read the actual act1, scene1 to see how close they were (pretty damn close, actually) here's a link

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