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Tuesday, October 04, 2005/6:52 PM

Oh dear it's been so long since i've done one of these, i'm curious as to whether or not it's like riding a bike (hopefully it's not since i suck at riding bikes, as my best bub will tell you. She witnessed my accident where I and clothesline tangled resulting in my near decapition... okay it was a really bad rug burn under my neck. What can i say, I'm stupid. Anyway back to the reason why this site was created.... to point out the nuttiness in the world so we may all take a moment and ponder.

10. Yes as if trekies were not sad enough (hey, I can say that, I'm a recovering trekker. Gave up somewhere around Generations, i think it was trauma brought about by Bill Shatner's gridle) I found a blog site today that actually had a link to trek porn. TREK PORN!! Oh baby, it's illogical how hot your ears make me! Make me scream like a klingon... um... nope. Nothing, sorry. Was soooo tempted to click on it, but damn it i was at work. Ah, perhaps another day. Remember, resistance is futile (yes i know that was a cheap shot and yes i took it!)

9. You know it's bad when you're missing your pet so much you start hearing it in your stairwell. At first i dismissed it as the TV. But the mewing continued. I thought, what the hell, i shut my windows. But still it grew louder. Then it hit me, my god i AM hearing a cat in my apartment! WHAT THE $(*&%!! Was it a momentary lapse of sanity. My longing for my pet taking over my mind and making me loopy?
no. It was my downstairs neighbor's cat (which i didn't even know they owned) locked outside of their apartment and trapped in our stairwell. I knocked on the door and got them to let the poor thing back in. My neighbor's response? "China! There you are!" Um how the hell do you NOT realize you've locked your cat out? Better yet, how is it the gal upstairs can hear it but you can't? Okay buddy, time to turn the baseball game down, i don't care WHO is playing.

8. Apparently no one has a sense of humor anymore. Or at least not in the deli section of TOPS. I was standing in line for twenty minutes waiting. I was friendly and told the lady that she didn't need to rush, I use to work in a deli i knew how it was. Then said, nothing smelling like provolone every night, right? Talk about a death look. Okay it was a dumb comment but she was already glaring at me, so i was getting nervous. From now on ma'am i shall bow to you and say "Oh holy deli lady, wouldst that you please serve a poor soul such as myself and cuteth me some bologna!" would that be better? Or were you looking for me to treat you like the the wench in front of me. "Yo bitch, i didn't want it THAT thin."

7. Never go into Spencers at halloween time unless you want the crap scared out of you. Minding my own business looking at a sexy Ref. outfit (it came with a whistle!) when suddenly something comes up behind me going "OOHHH OHHHH...uhhhh... OHHH!" I was ready to turn around and slap some pervert when i looked down to see a zombie crawling inches from my feet! Luckily he was of the romero type so i simple stepped sideways and watched him crawl into the wall (until i picked him up on his little wheels, and turned him down another path) Gotta love the stuff the novelty shops come up with. Had i 80 dollars to blow old Z-boy would have come home with me. Despite his misguided attempt to hump my leg.

6. Wouldn't you know i finally get a room with a view (gorgeous french doors which overlook a small balcony) and i can't use it! The balcony is home to a bee hive and the sissy girl I am can't get up enough balls to hang over the railing and spray poison up under the ledge (which would most certainly mean i'd spray myself). Perhaps if i practice with circ-de-soliel some more, then i'll attempt it. Hmm... bee spray... uh maybe not.

5. College students are worse than toddlers. I have been sneezed on, hacked on and had students with strep come into my office annoucing that they are infected then proceeding to sit down anyway... christ. I wonder if the school would frown on me passing out aspirin and sudafed?

4. Just got ahold of NIN's latest cd. You know what's really sad? I"m pissed off because i can't put my two favorite songs on my computer so i can play them over and over in a mix with my other favorites. I know that supposedly that's a form of copywrite violation, but damn it I BOUGHT THE FRICKEN THING! Shouldn't i be allowed to put it on my computer to listen to? Stupid Trent, it's gonna be at least Saturday before i can love you again. ;)

(editor's note: if you can check out the song right where it belongs... excellent. Very much in the realm of Hurt)

3. Yet to understand how my downstairs neighbors keep sounding as though they are ABOVE me. It's freaky. Best i can come up with is that it's an old home with funny accustics. Either that, or there are truly ghosts living in my attic. Frankly i'm more at home with the first idea.

2. Someone want to explain to me the idea behind the self check out at the grocery store? I mean in theory it's a great idea. I can get in, check out and not have to stand behind old folks who smell like bengay (or is that me?). But if i hear it say to me one more time...."Place the item in the bag" after placing the item in the bag, i might have to pull a Tarentino.

1. Paris Hilton split with the other Paris. I... I don't know what to do with myself, I mean if they can't make it... well... I'm sorry i'm too distraught. I need to be alone now.

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