Tuesday, May 10, 2005/10:35 PM
10) Spring has sprung and brought out my favorite thing which continues to keep my cousin Dan employed summer after summer..... Pot holes. There's nothing greater than that feeling that comes over you after you've fallen into one and the lovely scraping sound that accompanies it as your car bottoms out. We can send man to the moon, robots to mars and continue to alter Pamela Anderson's Breasts but we can't figure out how to keep the roads from eroding every winter. Oh and a quick FYI to all you local readers... Look out the pothole outside the tuscany deli. I'm curious... when does a pothole become a SINK hole?
9) There's nothing like working a double shift and getting home at 12am, refusing to go to bed because you feel like you haven't had a "day", watching a movie until 3am going to bed and thinking ahhhh.... I don't have to be up until ten tomorrow.... only to have the construction crew that's siding your apartment to show up at 8am blare their radio (TALK RADIO no less) and talk about how their wives are B**ches under your window. What's even better, they're done with my side of the house right now. But heaven forbid we discuss stuff at the front of the house where there are no bedrooms. Even better... they're actually nice guys. Is it really all that wrong to want to hang them by their toenails?
8) Why do only the people who DO NOT need the complementary go-carts at the grocery store seem to be the ones using them. I'm not saying I'm the picture of health, I'm certainly not about to run a marathon and i'm awlfully fond of naps. But I do know one thing, the more you sit around the worse you get and it seems to me that being SOOO lazy that you can't walk from the freezer section to the canned goods is probably a good way to end up fatter and even more unhealthy. I can understand if you have a heart problem or a broken leg... but some of these people just look like they need to try to MOVE for once in their lives. Meanwhile they're being passed by 90-year-old ladies who are CARRYING the little red shopping caddy's, not even PUSHING a cart! IF anything these are the nice old women are the ones who should be on the go-cart, not the forty something woman who nearly ran me down in the shampoo isle yesterday. Even the old lady made a face at her.
7) You are never too old to eat cheerios. I was given one by an adorable little girl today at work. Although I only pretended to eat it (a 2-year-old with sticky fingers handed it to me...ew) the smell of the honey-nut has inspired me to buy my own box come shopping day. Yummy!
6) Just when you thought you were OUT, they pull you back in. Ever gone to the bank to put in the last payment on your loan only to find out there's one more? What the.... but all my little slips in the book were gone? Right, the nice lady says, but sometimes there's an extra one....
WHA??? Ah well... maybe next month.
5) One is never really alone when one has a rubber duck. Got that off the Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy. Warmed my cockles.... whatever the hell a cockle is.
4) Bille Jo of Greenday now officially has worn more eyeliner than I ever have. I expect to see him on an commercial for Maybelline anyday now..... Sid Vicious is rolling in his grave.
3) Lawn Bowling is relaxing. That is until you roll your ball over the tail of a dead squirrel.
2) George Lucas is a sad man. I realize this now. This whole new trilogy and now a possibility for a live action TV series sometime next year? Its a cry for help people. He wants us to remember him for what he once was. The father of Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Two things that will never be matched. The only thing sadder than Mr. Lucas would be myself. For I KNOW I'll be going to Episode III and I'll probably watch the show. Can you say BAAAAA?
1) Don't walk barefoot on blacktop when construction workers are putting siding on the house. It's just NOT a good idea. Equally important, don't drive your car on that side of the driveway either, unless you REALLY like the smell of Bob the smug chew spitting towguy.
9) There's nothing like working a double shift and getting home at 12am, refusing to go to bed because you feel like you haven't had a "day", watching a movie until 3am going to bed and thinking ahhhh.... I don't have to be up until ten tomorrow.... only to have the construction crew that's siding your apartment to show up at 8am blare their radio (TALK RADIO no less) and talk about how their wives are B**ches under your window. What's even better, they're done with my side of the house right now. But heaven forbid we discuss stuff at the front of the house where there are no bedrooms. Even better... they're actually nice guys. Is it really all that wrong to want to hang them by their toenails?
8) Why do only the people who DO NOT need the complementary go-carts at the grocery store seem to be the ones using them. I'm not saying I'm the picture of health, I'm certainly not about to run a marathon and i'm awlfully fond of naps. But I do know one thing, the more you sit around the worse you get and it seems to me that being SOOO lazy that you can't walk from the freezer section to the canned goods is probably a good way to end up fatter and even more unhealthy. I can understand if you have a heart problem or a broken leg... but some of these people just look like they need to try to MOVE for once in their lives. Meanwhile they're being passed by 90-year-old ladies who are CARRYING the little red shopping caddy's, not even PUSHING a cart! IF anything these are the nice old women are the ones who should be on the go-cart, not the forty something woman who nearly ran me down in the shampoo isle yesterday. Even the old lady made a face at her.
7) You are never too old to eat cheerios. I was given one by an adorable little girl today at work. Although I only pretended to eat it (a 2-year-old with sticky fingers handed it to me...ew) the smell of the honey-nut has inspired me to buy my own box come shopping day. Yummy!
6) Just when you thought you were OUT, they pull you back in. Ever gone to the bank to put in the last payment on your loan only to find out there's one more? What the.... but all my little slips in the book were gone? Right, the nice lady says, but sometimes there's an extra one....
WHA??? Ah well... maybe next month.
5) One is never really alone when one has a rubber duck. Got that off the Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy. Warmed my cockles.... whatever the hell a cockle is.
4) Bille Jo of Greenday now officially has worn more eyeliner than I ever have. I expect to see him on an commercial for Maybelline anyday now..... Sid Vicious is rolling in his grave.
3) Lawn Bowling is relaxing. That is until you roll your ball over the tail of a dead squirrel.
2) George Lucas is a sad man. I realize this now. This whole new trilogy and now a possibility for a live action TV series sometime next year? Its a cry for help people. He wants us to remember him for what he once was. The father of Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Two things that will never be matched. The only thing sadder than Mr. Lucas would be myself. For I KNOW I'll be going to Episode III and I'll probably watch the show. Can you say BAAAAA?
1) Don't walk barefoot on blacktop when construction workers are putting siding on the house. It's just NOT a good idea. Equally important, don't drive your car on that side of the driveway either, unless you REALLY like the smell of Bob the smug chew spitting towguy.
